Somewhere lately, I read the quote... (author unknown)... that went something like this:
"There is an importance in knowing your purpose in life. Finding your stand."
Well, that got me to thinking, What is my LIFE PURPOSE? The more I thought about it, the more confused and unsettled I became. You see, I come from the generation of High School kids that were SUPPOSED to attend college, graduate from it, and carry on to some great, life fulfilling career. In my day, especially my senior year, I remember the agony of everyones question.... "What college are you going to?" "What career are you going for?" "What are you gonna be after graduation?" (No one considered, even for a moment, just getting married and being a housewife...)
Those questions would cause me to flinch. Inwardly, I didn't know what I wanted to be for the rest of my life! I had NO idea! And, I felt like a failure because of it.
All my friends, in those days, were headed to this or that prestigious college. It seemed that everyone had already settled on a life goal at 17! Even though I was competitive as far as grades go, and popularity and all those childish high school measurements, I felt like a flop. I didn't have the rest of my life 'pinned down, signed sealed and delivered like the rest of them did. I didn't know what I was meant to be........ I didn't have a prestigious college picked out, and I had no clue what to do after high school.
So, upon graduation, I waved my friends and old life goodbye,and entered the hazy life of post high school blues. Feeling lost at sea with no ship to carry me, I did the next best thing. I decided to play around with community college, while I sought my life direction.
Now, a lifetime later, I reflect upon what I did in the ensuing years between then and now.
I ask myself, What is my purpose in life?
I answer myself, Well, I was a wife. (Nope, that is a position)
Well, I became a mother. (Nope, that is a natural event, like being born, having kids, and dying)
Well, I was a cosmetologist... founded two hair salons..? Would that answer suffice?
(Nope, that is a business endeavor I undertook.)
Hmmmmmm......
Thinking and pondering about this question has got me stumped. I have lived, you could say just over half my life, and I cant honestly yet answer the question that nags at my spirit. I can make a list a mile long of my 'accomplishments, titles and positions I have held, things I have done, places I have travelled and of people I have met. Yet, does all this show me my purpose in life?
I don't think so........... because I am still asking the question.
What is my purpose in life?
I always envied those few exceptional people that absolutely knew their purpose, and usually from a very early age. I think of the little boys that always knew that they wanted to become a fireman and save people from fires. Or the little girl that just knew she would become a skilled nurse, or doctor. Or the crafty kids that could always make a deal on the playground and end up being successful business men.
If you were to ask anyone of 'these type of people, what is their purpose in life, they could quickly tell you...........
I never had that privilege. I never knew! So, I tried many, MANY different things to fulfill that high school expectation to 'become somebody.
Yet, as many things that I tried, they never brought the fulfillment of a purpose driven life.
So, it hit me last year, when I got a phone call from my daughter in Germany, that she was coming home to the states, that I would like very much to go see her and help her unpack and adjust to being 'home. (Stateside as the military calls it)
I felt a deep urgency for one of the first times in my life. I just KNEW I had to be there for her.
I actually prayed about it.......... I had a little talk with God. And, I know, I KNOW he told me deep in my spirit, to go and just be a 'Mom!
I thought, how strange......... just be a MOM????
Isn't that kinda like admitting to being a failure? No-one is just a mom anymore. That is for the people that didn't do very good at school... The kids that weren't scholarly, that had no expectations for themselves...and a very old fashioned idea at that. That was something from my Grandparents era. The passive, submissive, stay at home mom cooking bread and apple pie! This isn't the stuff of a Microsoft and computer generation!
So, I pondered just 'being a mom. Is this my LIFE PURPOSE? Was I born, to just be a mom?
It doesn't seem very important...and hardly a rewarding 'career! As a matter of fact, moms are the most un-rewarded, overlooked, underpaid, less appreciated people I know of.... hardly what I think I was born for!
So, in coming to my daughters house, and helping arrange all the furniture, and paint the walls and refinish the wood floors, and rake up all the fall leaves, and in 'just being a mom, I see how important this job really is.
I am not sure yet if this is my life purpose in it's entirety, but, maybe I am looking at this all wrong.
Well, that got me to thinking, What is my LIFE PURPOSE? The more I thought about it, the more confused and unsettled I became. You see, I come from the generation of High School kids that were SUPPOSED to attend college, graduate from it, and carry on to some great, life fulfilling career. In my day, especially my senior year, I remember the agony of everyones question.... "What college are you going to?" "What career are you going for?" "What are you gonna be after graduation?" (No one considered, even for a moment, just getting married and being a housewife...)
Those questions would cause me to flinch. Inwardly, I didn't know what I wanted to be for the rest of my life! I had NO idea! And, I felt like a failure because of it.
All my friends, in those days, were headed to this or that prestigious college. It seemed that everyone had already settled on a life goal at 17! Even though I was competitive as far as grades go, and popularity and all those childish high school measurements, I felt like a flop. I didn't have the rest of my life 'pinned down, signed sealed and delivered like the rest of them did. I didn't know what I was meant to be........ I didn't have a prestigious college picked out, and I had no clue what to do after high school.
So, upon graduation, I waved my friends and old life goodbye,and entered the hazy life of post high school blues. Feeling lost at sea with no ship to carry me, I did the next best thing. I decided to play around with community college, while I sought my life direction.
Now, a lifetime later, I reflect upon what I did in the ensuing years between then and now.
I ask myself, What is my purpose in life?
I answer myself, Well, I was a wife. (Nope, that is a position)
Well, I became a mother. (Nope, that is a natural event, like being born, having kids, and dying)
Well, I was a cosmetologist... founded two hair salons..? Would that answer suffice?
(Nope, that is a business endeavor I undertook.)
Hmmmmmm......
Thinking and pondering about this question has got me stumped. I have lived, you could say just over half my life, and I cant honestly yet answer the question that nags at my spirit. I can make a list a mile long of my 'accomplishments, titles and positions I have held, things I have done, places I have travelled and of people I have met. Yet, does all this show me my purpose in life?
I don't think so........... because I am still asking the question.
What is my purpose in life?
I always envied those few exceptional people that absolutely knew their purpose, and usually from a very early age. I think of the little boys that always knew that they wanted to become a fireman and save people from fires. Or the little girl that just knew she would become a skilled nurse, or doctor. Or the crafty kids that could always make a deal on the playground and end up being successful business men.
If you were to ask anyone of 'these type of people, what is their purpose in life, they could quickly tell you...........
I never had that privilege. I never knew! So, I tried many, MANY different things to fulfill that high school expectation to 'become somebody.
Yet, as many things that I tried, they never brought the fulfillment of a purpose driven life.
So, it hit me last year, when I got a phone call from my daughter in Germany, that she was coming home to the states, that I would like very much to go see her and help her unpack and adjust to being 'home. (Stateside as the military calls it)
I felt a deep urgency for one of the first times in my life. I just KNEW I had to be there for her.
I actually prayed about it.......... I had a little talk with God. And, I know, I KNOW he told me deep in my spirit, to go and just be a 'Mom!
I thought, how strange......... just be a MOM????
Isn't that kinda like admitting to being a failure? No-one is just a mom anymore. That is for the people that didn't do very good at school... The kids that weren't scholarly, that had no expectations for themselves...and a very old fashioned idea at that. That was something from my Grandparents era. The passive, submissive, stay at home mom cooking bread and apple pie! This isn't the stuff of a Microsoft and computer generation!
So, I pondered just 'being a mom. Is this my LIFE PURPOSE? Was I born, to just be a mom?
It doesn't seem very important...and hardly a rewarding 'career! As a matter of fact, moms are the most un-rewarded, overlooked, underpaid, less appreciated people I know of.... hardly what I think I was born for!
So, in coming to my daughters house, and helping arrange all the furniture, and paint the walls and refinish the wood floors, and rake up all the fall leaves, and in 'just being a mom, I see how important this job really is.
I am not sure yet if this is my life purpose in it's entirety, but, maybe I am looking at this all wrong.
Perhaps, I will see my life purpose thru this extension of myself called children.
Perhaps, I was born to give birth to them, to see a fulfillment beyond my wildest hopes and dreams. Perhaps, they will fulfill great expectations that I never could have, or the time wasn't right for it yet.
My imagination gives way to further pondering. Further ideas of grandiose thinking...
Every person of greatness had a mom. 'The hand that rocks the cradle, rules the world.' Perhaps I am not meant to have or know any 'Life Purpose for myself....but, will live to see it in my procreation? Who knows...?
I still have half a lifetime to go (I hope).
However, if I don't find my 'Life Purpose..... I guess I will start pondering what my epitaph will read...
That is another one that haunts me!
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